I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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