my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Do vagina's smell?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
