Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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