I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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