His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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