I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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