so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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