Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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