i don't like sucking hair
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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