i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
