Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
