he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
