You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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