If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
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Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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