We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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