break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
