Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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