Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
