I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
