I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
