my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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