I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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