I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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