Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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