I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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