does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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