Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
