found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You can't just leave with hair like that
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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