There was a lot of him and a little penis
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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