I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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