I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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