My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
