And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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