It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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