i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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