think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
only if we run a train.
done.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
