i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
