Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
be right there i have to get my cape
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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