dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
