My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
