in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Randomize
