She is in my trunk
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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