it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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