Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
