where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
