Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
