There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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