Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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