guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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