walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
