There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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