he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
