he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
