Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
