Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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