don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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