FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
