Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
