i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
