your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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