when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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