You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
