Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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