Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
