we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
