Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
